Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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