Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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