Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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