I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
