sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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