Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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