I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
