Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
