Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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