Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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