I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
