i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
