You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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