i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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