I just threw up on my dentist
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
