dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
