yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
