ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
