you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
