The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
