i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
