Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
