I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
