I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
