Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
