i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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