He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
