community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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