she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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