Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
