I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need to sanitize my soul.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
