She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sex in a hospital.. check
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
