I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
that is very illegal...i love you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
