i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ok first of all what the fuck
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
