yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
