alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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