if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So squirting runs in the family.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
