I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
