For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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