Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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