You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
