Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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