k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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