how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
