And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
