How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
