Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
