You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
