Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
