There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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