I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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